If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
