my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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