Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
