We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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