what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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