Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
