"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
