dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
