Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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