I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
