Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
