just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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