i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
