Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
