He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
