absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
