So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
