i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
