i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
