Michael Bay diarrhea
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
