he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So much Jack, so little girl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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