Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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