Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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