Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
