FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
