So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
