I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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