Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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