Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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