I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
