I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sext me about skeletons
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
