I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
