if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
