Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
