I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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