i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
