hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
