New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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