No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
