I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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