Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
