She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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