he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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