i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
