Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
