Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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