We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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