i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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