I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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