Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
