I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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