i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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