My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
