Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
