All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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