he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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