We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
