I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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