We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
