He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
