break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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