I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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