so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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