TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
