you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
