I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
