summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
