pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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