What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
