This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
