We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
