happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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