Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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