You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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