I want to stick my p in your. b.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wish my penis had a tongue
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
